The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

When I first started this blog, I vowed to myself that I would be REAL about everything I posted - so not just the "mission accomplished" works that I feel good about, but all the intermediate steps too (plus some of the outright c%$p that signifies you are practicing and challenging yourself!). So - I am posting my very first painted-from-scratch face. I have painted from photographs in Corel Painter, but never on actual paper with actual physical brushes. It is ironic, given that I do portrait photography for a living, that drawing faces has always been an achilles heel for me - it never came naturally to me, so I just assumed I couldn't do it. Well, now I'm working on it, and here is my first full-on attempt:

Without assessing this attempt just yet, I want to talk about what I learned:

(1) Good brushes are a MUST. My normal mode of buying cheapo brushes or - um - BORROWING from my kids' craft stash is fine for mixed-media or abstract work, but not so much for faces. In particular, a good detail brush is key. So is a blender stump; I should have known this from working in Corel Painter. A baby wipe just won't do for this. Neither will a q-tip.

(2) I found the mouth to be the hardest to do. The eyes were tough, but the mouth was the toughest. I was going for a serene, content expression, and I think I did OK,

but I don't think I am at the point where I could paint a real open-mouth smile.

(3) Neck and chin shading: very important, and very tough. Gotta work on that.

(4) While I feel like I have made some decent attempts at sketching, and an acceptable first attempt at painting a pleasing-looking face, I am a LONG way off from painting the likeness of an actual person. But, I'm taking steps, and it feels good. I want to get better at this, so that if I have faceless people in my artwork, it is a choice, not a default :-)

OK, so that was the bad and/or the ugly. Now the good: I got my etsy jewelry shop for charity up and running! I have sold a few pieces so far, with the net proceeds benefiting IRSF, to help find a cure for Rett Syndrome. I will add more pieces over the next week or so. Here is the link; I would appreciate if you would pass it on to others! http://www.etsy.com/shop/ShiningStarrDesigns?ref=pr_shop_more

And now - a combination of good, bad and ugly. I've mentioned that I'm working my way through The Artist's Way with my friend Amy, and it seems like we both hit a bit of a

stumbling block right around chapters 4/5. We were both doing so well - really getting

into the process of the morning pages, doing the artist dates, really thinking through and discussing the tasks and learning so much. Then - life happened. I started asking Amy (and my husband, and G-d, and anyone who would listen) if Julia Cameron had kids, if she had a full-time nanny and maid, if EVERYONE who has followed this method faithfully has a full staff of helpers round-the-clock or is drinking so much Jolt that they can stay up all night to attend to their responsibilities AND their inner artist. I was getting frustrated and pessimistic. Then this afternoon, I decided to just let all my tasks (work, birthday party prep, house chores, etc.) sit, and go on an artist date. It was only 90 minutes, but I feel like it really saved me. I took a ride and then a long walk around Cranbury, NJ, a nearby historic town; my camera came along as my trusty companion, and I felt like I started to SEE again - and as I walked, I felt my stride actually changing, and some ME thoughts were coming into my head again. It's amazing how little it takes to get your inspiration back- yet how hard it can be to actually do what it takes. Here are some of the things I saw:

If I didn't have my camera there, I doubt that I would have noticed the intriguing patterns reflected on the roof of the bridge. That, to me, is the beauty of photography, from the photographer's standpoint: yes, there is the preservation of the moment, but it's also about SEEING MORE in the moment.

And now for the REALLY ugly - a very obvious metaphor :-) I saw this and I couldn't help myself. These outings are really like a LIFESAVER for your inner artist; just to get out of your own head, to see something new, to look at the world from a different perspective, can make all the difference in the world.

Challenges and Personal Goals

I've noticed two different patterns in my art: my photography work tends toward the clean and simple, with bright colors and sharp contrast, and my painting/mixed-media work tends to be layered and complex, with moody colors and blends. In the name of growth, I wanted to challenge myself to steer away from my "preferred modes" - starting with this mixed-media piece. It is based on a type of project that is done in one of the e-courses I'm taking, but I took a different approach than the one used in the class, and also a different one from what I've been doing for a while now: I went for bold colors, sharp contrast, a simple focal object, fewer images and layers (though I still incorporated my own photography - that's kind of a deal-breaker for me :-)

So that's the "challenge" part of the post; now for the personal goals. One of my most deeply held values involves doing good, and using our talents to further causes that webelieve in. For example, last year I was fortunate enough to be able to "adopt" a child's wish through the Make-a-Wish Foundation and raise enough money to grant the child's wish through a Family Portrait Fundraiser day in NYC. I also participated in the creation of a wonderful cookbook to benefit the International Rett Syndrome Foundation. I have not yet been able to hold a similar event this year, and while I plan to, I want to start with something smaller right now. I have always loved making jewelry, but never wanted to make a business out of it - it is one of those creative activities that I wanted to keep "just for me" - for gifts, and for relaxation. Now I have this HUGE collection of handmade jewelry, and while I still don't want to make it into a business, I would love to be able to sell it to raise funds for my two favorite charities: IRSF and Coalition for the Homeless. I will be creating an etsy store, and 75% of the purchase price of each of the pieces will be donated to one of the two charities (the other 25% will be used to make more jewelry for fundraising!). Here are a few examples of the jewelry that will be available. I'll post the store link when I have it up. All the pieces are made with semi-precious stones, sterling silver, and lampwork or other handmade focals. I hope you will help me spread the word and raise money for these very worthy causes!

Getting Inspired

I have always wished I could travel more and just "see more", and often find myself frustrated here in the 'burbs, restricted from seeing the more of the world by all my responsibilities. But I need to remind myself periodically that inspiration is everywhere - and that I am just an hour-plus out of NYC, which is BURSTING with inspiration! I was in dire need of some contemplation time, so I took a nice long Artist Date after a morning portrait session on Sunday. Here is what I saw:

in Rockefeller Center after the rain....I'd never seen calla lilies this color before....

Across the street from the Museum of Modern Art, which is like my own personal heaven.....

I am on a self-portrait kick! I loved shooting this one through the window - you can see my reflection, the reflection of the room and the art behind me, plus what is outside....and me

with the camera covering my face, in my "photographer stance" - this is my professional look ;-) I feel a little like Zoolander.....

I saw so many amazing, inspiring things at MoMA, but my favorite had to be this: a bit box full of tags with hand-written "wishes" from children. It is dated 2010. I don't know how it started, where the wishes came from, etc., but I found it very moving. I wish I could go through all the tags and read each one.

The New York Public Library, another Heaven on Earth....

Being in the city was wonderful; trying to get OUT of the city, not so wonderful. But, on the bright side, I got to read a magazine in traffic :-) I did also take the time to notice some amazing textures - I LOVE these two buildings together..
.

So this was my artist date. When I came back, I created this mixed-media piece for an e-class that I am taking. After seeing all those beautiful inspiring piece, my own art still turned out kind of "dark and twisty". I guess the inner self comes out no matter what you look at or think about in your conscious mind; the inspiration you gain just helps push forth whatever it is that is already inside you.

Fearless Painting Process - My Revalations

Another abstract painting. I have to say, this process has been so thought-provoking! When I watched Connie's video's, I loved the IDEA of painting this way, and it excited me, but I wasn't entirely sure what FEARLESS meant (to me, anyway), nor did I see a clear connection with art journaling - I just saw it as a wonderful art technique and a whole lot of fun. Well, as I worked on this painting, a few things occurred to me about being FEARLESS in art and the connection between this and journaling and LIFE:

As I painted, I started to release my fear of "unimpressive results". I let the painting just EMERGE - and it felt good. I also felt the fear of mixing colors in odd ways, of smudging, and of "messing up" just melt away; at one point, as I was painting a color wash over the border I had painted, things got smudged - and instead of considering my efforts ruined, I ran with it and just let it evolve into something else. I let go of my fear of asymmetry; I found that for me, things don't need to match or be balanced, and are often more interesting when they are NOT (heck, I can apply this to my sense of self too - I may not be balanced, but I'm kind of more interesting that way ;-) It was very freeing to be FEARLESS and keep painting when I wanted to keep painting, even though it might end up being "too much"; and then to stop when I felt like stopping, even if the results "could have been better." It was all about being authentic, doing what feels right, letting myself be me. Isn't that where we're trying to go with journaling, whether in words or in visual form? I discovered a lot about myself: That I like things off-balance, that I like colors (and, by extension, other things in my life) to blend into each other and layer over each other, that I like to create with an intention and representation in my mind that is not necessarily clear to others, but that is clear to me.

Oh and the final FEARLESS note from me - I an not afraid to say that I LOVE MY PAINTING! As girls especially, we get taught from an early age to downplay how we feel about ourselves and our work in the name of modesty, and then after a while we start to believe the "ho-hum" reactions we have to the things we produce and, thus, to who we are. So, here I am now, saying - I LOVE MY PAINTING! And I'm proud of it. So there :-)

Oh and - for anyone who's curious what this is - it is actually my house with my family inside it :-) You can see it, right? ;-) There are 5 of us, each represented by a shape, intersecting, colors blending, each one of us in a dominant color that felt intuitive to me, but with shades and undertones of each other's colors in the way that I felt we influence one another; the shapes inside representing my feelings on each person's personalities....there are some tears, some sun, some watchful eyes...the way I see my home and family.

Mother's Day

As a mother, I believe that what we want most on Mother's Day is not the flowers, the candy, the breakfast in bed, or even the "time off" (well, maybe the time off ;-). I think we want to feel like we are seen, heard, and KNOWN....like those dearest to us know who we are, what's important to us, and care about that. With my Mother's Day gift for my mom, I wanted to communicate just that: that I KNOW her, and that I appreciate her for all that she is.

My mom's passion in life, besides her children and grandchildren, is yoga. At age 62, she is studying to become a yoga teacher, and I know she will be a great one. After one of her yoga immersion weekends, she described to me the concept of dharma - your destiny, your life's work. On the spur of the moment, she came up with her dharma as "to be a survivor". But I know she is so much more than that, and I wanted this artwork to show her that. I researched the "mudras" - yoga hand postures - and their meaning, and photographed my own hands performing those movements. I then wrote inside the "om" symbol about what I believe is her true dharma. My mom is amazing, inspiring, and has much wisdom to teach, not just to me and my brother and her grandchildren, but to many more people in the future. I hope this piece communicates that to her.















Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. May you feel loved, appreciated, and truly KNOWN and SEEN by those closest to you, today and every day.

Dark and Twisty

I feel like I'm always late to the party on all the great TV shows out there - prime example, I JUST discovered Gray's Anatomy last month, and I LOVE it. There is a description that Meredith Gray's character uses for herself that I love - she says she's "dark and twisty". I love her character, and I love the expression, likely because I'm sort of dark and twisty too, at least at times. I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that it's OK to be dark and twisty, and that sometimes it's even really beautiful.



















I shot this image after a portrait session at one of my favorite local gardens. My friend Amy and I have started working our way through Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way, and one of the key tools of the method is the Artist Date. Well, with a business and 3 kids, I have to fit those in when and where I can - so I am trying to do some "mini-dates" around my portrait sessions, when I'm already "in the zone" creatively and am often in beautiful locations. I love this twisty tree - I've seen it at this location dozens of times - and am glad I finally captured it. Then I kept walking around and looking, and saw this....it made me think of an entryway, or a gate of some sort....













And then I did something I don't do often enough: I LOOKED UP. I need to look up more often; maybe we all do. I look down a lot, to make sure I don't trip; I look sideways and around, always alert as to my surroundings, scanning for danger, or looking for opportunity, or just trying not to get lost (which I tend to do!) - but I hardly ever LOOK UP. Well, I looked up, and saw this....I couldn't stop staring, though it kind of made my eyes hurt....it made me think of hope and illumination, making its way through all that is dark and twisty.

To State The Obvious.....

......it is much harder to keep up with two blogs than with one! And I fall behind on my professional photography blog too, so - well - here goes some catch-up. I've had the BEST time lately with some amazing e-courses - here are two paintings from the Abstract Adventures class of 21 Secrets. This one really is abstract...the instructor, Connie Hozvicka, talks all about "Fearless Painting", so I just let my mind go and used shapes and colors, the compartments that I so love, and worked from the center out. It was very satisfying! It's a bit of sensory overload, which really does represent how I felt at the time.

Now this next one is for the same class....but being who I am, I didn't quite follow the rules and used some collage

:-) It started out pretty abstract, with just lines and colors and shapes, but then somehow turned into a representation of me and the "alternate universe me" - you know, the girl who looks a lot like me, but gets up in the morning on another planet and instead of making kids' lunches and then tip-toeing upstairs to edit the 5 portrait sessions that she's behind on, goes to her architecture office to design a pedestrian bridge in Milan, or teaches art to abused kids in the slums. Everyone has that alternate universe person, right? Or is it just me? :-)

One more for today - totally abstract this time. I've been loving Mary Beth Shaw's Flavor for Mixed Media - a great book featuring so many artists I love. She talks a lot about using clayboard as a medium, and carving into it and collaging on it - so I gave it a try. It really is different than canvas, and I liked the texture I could add to it. I made this one a representation of my different "homes" - starting with my birthplace (thus the Russian poem page piece), and moving on through the years through the present. All the numbers are addresses of former houses, except for the last one in the bottom right, the "5", which is the number of people in my family, under this roof - my true home. I loved using all the ephemera, like an outline of the star pin that I had to wear as a Communist Youth Group (mandatory!) student in Russia, a line from an award-winning essay I wrote about immigration, a scrap of a favorite flute piece, and lots more. The 3-D iron strip across the middle fell off our dinosaur-age-old mailbox; I thought it looked better on my collage ;-) Yup, this is as abstract as it gets!

Tomorrow I'm thinking of sharing some jewelry designs and some photography too!